Open door policy

J.R. and Sue Ellen’s relationship takes a lot of twists over the years, but nothing fascinates me more than when she starts emulating him. It begins during Linda Gray’s final seasons on the original “Dallas,” when Sue Ellen becomes a wheeler-dealer in business, and it continues on TNT’s sequel series, when we see her reach into J.R.’s bag of tricks to defeat enemies like Governor McConaughey. In “The Oil Baron’s Ball,” Sue Ellen’s transformation into J.R.’s protégé is still a few years away, but this episode nonetheless offers a glimpse of where Gray’s character is headed. By the end of the hour, we see just how much Sue Ellen is learning at the feet of the master.

Gray has three notable scenes in this episode. In the first, Sue Ellen is strolling through a park when she notices all the happy young couples surrounding her. Eventually, she comes across a group of attractive, shirtless men playing football and stops to watch. Writer-director Leonard Katzman shows the game in slow motion, allowing the camera to linger on the players. There’s no doubt what this scene is supposed to represent: Sue Ellen’s sexual desires, which have gone unfulfilled since she moved out of J.R.’s bedroom several episodes earlier. By today’s standards, the football scene seems a little campy — especially when all those half-naked, straight-from-the-80s hunks start falling all over each other — but it also strikes me as surprisingly progressive. Here’s “Dallas,” easily one of the era’s most chauvinistic TV shows, taking a moment to acknowledge that women don’t exist solely to please men; they have needs of their own. How can you not admire that?

As soon as the football scene ends, Katzman cuts to Southfork that night, where J.R. is reading in bed. Suddenly, the door opens, revealing Sue Ellen’s silhouette. “Do you want something?” he asks. She strides into the room, flings the door closed behind her and climbs onto the bed. “Yes, I want something,” she says, taking the book out of J.R.’s hand and kissing him aggressively as the screen fades to black. The next time we see the couple, Sue Ellen is turning on the bedside lamp as a beaming J.R. watches from under the covers. When she tells him she’s going back to her room, he’s confused. Sue Ellen explains: “You see, J.R., I have no desire to live with you. Now, granted, from time to time, I may need you. And if and when that happens, then I’ll be back. But that’s all. That’s as close to being married as we will ever be.” J.R. is furious and accuses her of treating him like “some kind of stud service.” Her response: “What other possible use would I have for you?”

This is a terrific scene for a lot of reasons, beginning with Gray’s playfully sultry delivery. It’s a moment of triumph for Sue Ellen — and Gray savors every second of it. Indeed, consider how far her character has come: In “Spy in the House,” “Dallas’s” third episode, a sexually neglected Sue Ellen buys a negligee, hoping to get J.R.’s attention; when he calls it “cheap” and walks out on her, she collapses in tears. Sue Ellen soon begins turning to other men, but “The Oil Baron’s Ball” marks the first time we see her take charge of her sexual relationship with J.R. It puts her on the same page as Pam, who is the original “Dallas’s” most sexually liberated woman (occasionally incurring her own husband’s wrath). Perhaps more anything, J.R. and Sue Ellen’s bedroom scene is an exercise in poetic justice: The man who has treated countless mistresses as sexual playthings now gets a taste of his own medicine — and from his wife, no less.

Sue Ellen’s most J.R.-like moment in “The Oil Baron’s Ball” is yet to come. In the third act, our newly empowered heroine visits Windsor Meadow and sends John Ross to summon Peter, the camp counselor to whom she finds herself increasingly attracted. Sue Ellen asks Peter to escort Lucy to this year’s Oil Baron’s Ball, although it’s pretty obvious that Sue Ellen really wants Peter for herself, not for her niece. Peter is reluctant to accept — the young man harbors a secret crush on Sue Ellen and has never even met Lucy — but every time he comes up with an excuse to not go, Sue Ellen is one step ahead of him. When Peter tells her that he would feel out of place at the ball, she responds there’s no place he wouldn’t fit in perfectly. When he says he doesn’t own a dark suit, Sue Ellen reveals she has already arranged for him to visit J.R.’s tailor to be fitted for a tuxedo, compliments of her. Peter has no choice but to say yes, demonstrating once again how much she has learned from her husband. Sue Ellen has always had a manipulative streak, but her use of charm, confidence and gifts to bend Peter’s will comes straight from J.R.’s playbook.

The rest of “The Oil Baron’s Ball” is a mix of heavy drama and light moments. The episode picks up where the previous hour left off, with Lil taking the stand in Ray’s trial and revealing he did indeed pull the plug on Mickey, but only because she couldn’t bring herself to do it. This is a fake-out worthy of TNT’s “Dallas” (admit it: you thought Lil was the culprit), and Kate Reid does a nice job delivering her character’s monologue. The most moving moment, though, comes when Donna tells Ray that even though she believes he had no right to take Mickey’s life, she doesn’t want him to go prison for it. I love this scene because Susan Howard is so good in it — she makes me feel very ounce of Donna’s anguish — and also because it clearly spells out the character’s dilemma of reconciling her personal beliefs with her desire to stand by her husband.

Still, I can’t help but think this conversation between Ray and Donna should have occurred at the beginning of the “who killed Mickey?” mystery, not at the end. For that matter, I also wish this storyline should had been wrapped up in the previous episode, “Ray’s Trial.” No sooner has the judge handed down Ray’s sentence — parole, not jail (naturally) — than Ray and Donna are dancing at the glittery ball. It’s odd to see these characters move on so quickly. Likewise, we never see Lil bid farewell to the Krebbses; after the verdict is announced, Reid simply vanishes from “Dallas” (although she does pop up again briefly a few years later). After the trial, wouldn’t it have been nice to see Ray, Donna, Lil and Lucy visit Mickey’s grave? Besides giving the audience a sense of closure, it would have served as a nice bookend to the memorable Amos Krebbs’s funeral scene a year earlier, when the Trotters were introduced.

Even if the juxtaposition between the courtroom and the ball is jarring, I must admit: The latter scenes are awfully fun. Ken Kercheval somehow manages to make Cliff seem both humbled and overbearing in the instant when the character is named oilman of the year, and the clash between the Ewing and Barnes/Wentworth women in the powder room is delicious. Above all, I love the bon mots J.R. drops during the course of the ball. When Pam arrives and drops by the Ewing table, J.R. delights in re-introducing her to Bobby’s date, Jenna Wade. Bobby tells him to cut it out, but J.R. can’t help himself. “Well, for those who don’t have a program, I’m just going to have to announce the names of all the players, aren’t I?” he says. Larry Hagman’s smile is even more mischievous than usual.

Later, when J.R. sees how uncomfortable Bobby, Pam and Jenna are around each other, he declares this is going to be “one of the great nights of my life.” Leave it to Sue Ellen to put him in his place. “Nothing brings out the best in you like other peoples’ unhappiness,” she says. The line makes me think: Perhaps J.R. has a thing or two to learn from her too.

Grade: B

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

At last

‘THE OIL BARON’S BALL’

Season 7, Episode 8

Airdate: November 18, 1983

Audience: 23 million homes, ranking 2nd in the weekly ratings

Writer and Director: Leonard Katzman

Synopsis: After Lil testifies that Ray pulled the plug on Mickey at her request, Ray is found guilty but given parole. Sue Ellen treats J.R. like a sexual plaything and persuades Peter to escort Lucy to the Oil Baron’s Ball. At the ball, Pam and Jenna clash and Cliff is named oilman of the year.

Cast: Charles Aidman (Judge Emmett Brocks), Christopher Atkins (Peter Richards), John Beck (Mark Graison), Morgan Brittany (Katherine Wentworth), Delores Cantú (Doris), Roseanna Christiansen (Teresa), Glenn Corbett (Paul Morgan), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Richard Jaeckel (Assistant District Attorney Percy Meredith), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Audrey Landers (Afton Cooper), Timothy Patrick Murphy (Mickey Trotter), Priscilla Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Kate Reid (Lil Trotter), Debbie Rennard (Sly), Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing), Deborah Tranelli (Phyllis), Debi Sue Voorhees (Caroline), Morgan Woodward (Punk Anderson)

“The Oil Baron’s Ball” is available on DVD and at Amazon.com and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Perfect host

In “Barbecue Four,” a seventh-season “Dallas” episode, J.R. (Larry Hagman), Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), Bobby (Patrick Duffy), Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley), Ray (Steve Kanaly) and Donna (Susan Howard) gather around the Southfork dining room table.

J.R.: [Pulls out Sue Ellen’s chair] Darlin’, why don’t you sit in your regular place here? And that’s right, Jenna, you sit in Pam’s old chair. And Donna, why don’t you sit in Lucy’s chair, since we don’t have a regular place for you. [Pulls out the chair]

DONNA: [Sits] Thank you.

J.R.: And that’s right, Ray. You sit where Gary used to. You two have so much in common. Well, I think that’s about it now. I’d like to propose a toast. [Raises a glass] To Ewing traditions.

Miss Ellie and Clayton (Barbara Bel Geddes, Howard Keel) appear in the doorway.

ELLIE: May we join you in that toast?

J.R.: [Sets down his glass] Mama, well! How good to have you home. [He approaches and hugs kisses her, followed by everyone but Jenna, who remains seated.]

BOBBY: Why didn’t you tell us? We’d have picked you up at the airport.

RAY: Welcome home, Miss Ellie.

ELLIE: Oh, Ray.

SUE ELLEN: Oh, Miss Ellie.

BOBBY: [Shaking Clayton’s hand] Clayton, thank you for bringing her back to us.

CLAYTON: She wouldn’t stay away from Southfork another day.

BOBBY: Well, I know how that is.

ELLIE: I’ve been away too long. [Approaches Jenna, touches her shoulder] Oh, Jenna. Bobby told me that he was seeing you. It’s nice you’re here.

JENNA: Thank you, Miss Ellie.

J.R.: [Pulls out her chair] Here you go, Mama.

ELLIE: Thank you, J.R. [She sits.] Oh, I’m so glad to be back.

SUE ELLEN: You know how we feel.

ELLIE: Ray, I’m sorry about what you went through.

RAY: Well, that’s all behind us now, Miss Ellie.

ELLIE: Yes, but not the memories. I know how strong memories can be.

J.R.: Oh, you look wonderful. I mean, really wonderful.

ELLIE: Well, I did nothing but loaf and rest.

BOBBY: Well, it’s been good to you. You look terrific.

ELLIE: I’m sorry about the divorce.

BOBBY: I know, Mama.

ELLIE: Jenna, I hope I’m not embarrassing you, but I’d grown very fond of Pam.

JENNA: I understand.

ELLIE: Well, I may have been in Jamaica for a while, but I still know what time it is in Dallas and we should all be eating dinner by now. [They all laugh.] Clayton, please sit down. [Clayton sits in Jock’s old chair. J.R., Bobby and Ray each look bothered.] After all those restaurants we’ve been eating in, I’m really hungry for good old Southfork cooking. I mean, no matter how good the restaurant is, there’s nothing as good as eating at home. J.R., why don’t you take some of that food and pass it around before it gets stone cold?

J.R.: Oh, I’m really not hungry, Mama.

ELLIE: [Chuckles] You? Not hungry?

J.R.: I suppose it’s the excitement of you being home … with Clayton.

He smiles faintly and then looks at Clayton. The smile fades.

What principles?

Since I began re-watching “Dallas’s” seventh season for the first time in years, I’ve been surprised by how interesting I find Sue Ellen’s affair with college student Peter Richards. I used to dismiss their romance as hopelessly gimmicky — J.R.’s wife chases a younger man! — but now that I’m older and hopefully a little wiser, the relationship makes perfect sense. I can see how Sue Ellen might turn to a man like Peter to regain her confidence after all those years of being mistreated by J.R. Or at least that’s how I felt before “Peter’s Principles.” This is the episode where Sue Ellen and Peter sleep together for the first time, but instead of illuminating the reasons these characters are attracted to each other, the love scene reveals the storyline’s flaws. It turns out there are quite a few.

When “Peter’s Principles” begins, Sue Ellen is worried because the Ewings haven’t heard from Peter in several days. She suspects he is upset because she recently told him their flirtation can’t continue, so she contacts one of his classmates and learns Peter has dropped out of school. When Sue Ellen finally tracks down Peter, he doesn’t want to speak to her, but she doesn’t give up on him. She goes to his apartment the next day and urges him not to abandon his studies. Peter tells Sue Ellen that if he can’t have her, college no longer matters to him. She hesitates for a moment, then says, “If I were with you, if we saw each other, would you go back to the university?” Peter’s response: “Yes, it would all be completely different then.” Before you know it, Sue Ellen is kissing Peter as he lays her down on the bed.

Groan. Until this scene, which is the last one in “Peter’s Principles,” I liked how Arthur Bernard Lewis’s script depicted Sue Ellen as a woman with determination and purpose. She works hard to find Peter and persuade him to go back to school, displaying the kind of gumption we haven’t seen from her since “The Oil Baron’s Ball,” the episode where she treats J.R. like a sexual plaything. By the end of “Peter’s Principles,” though, Sue Ellen has reverted back to her old habit of allowing men to dominate her. When she asks Peter if he’ll go back to school if she starts a relationship with him, what does she expect him to say? Sue Ellen doesn’t just allow Peter to pull her strings; she puts the controls in his hand.

Besides undermining Linda Gray’s character, the scene suggests “Dallas” is chickening out on the entire storyline. For a show dominated by alpha males, Sue Ellen and Peter’s relationship has been refreshingly different. The last time “Dallas” depicted a May/December romance, an aging man (Jock Ewing) became involved with a younger woman (Julie Grey). This time around, the gender roles are reversed: Sue Ellen, who is in her 40s, flirts with Peter, who is in his 20s. But instead of showing her going to bed with him merely to fulfill her own sexual desires, Lewis’s script tries to cast Sue Ellen’s choice as some kind of noble sacrifice. She essentially tells Peter, “OK, I’ll have sex with you if you promise to go back to school and study hard.” Why can’t Sue Ellen have a carefree fling like the men on this show?

I suppose all of this can be viewed as another example of Sue Ellen’s self-delusion. Maybe she can’t bring herself to admit her attraction to Peter, so she fools herself into believing she’s merely providing him with the incentive he needs to get an education. But then what are we to make of the fact that we never see these characters in bed together? In the final shot, as Peter moves Sue Ellen onto the bed, the screen goes black and the closing credits flash, making this one of the few times “Dallas” skips its traditional freeze frame. It’s as if the producers can’t quite bring themselves to showing this relationship being consummated.

Then again: Maybe we’ve seen enough. Leonard Katzman, “Dallas’s” executive producer, once called this storyline the show’s “biggest mistake” because Christopher Atkins looked too young to play Peter. It’s not fair to lay the blame at Atkins’ feet, although the actor was too boyish to be believable as Sue Ellen’s lover. Don’t get me wrong: Atkins is a good actor who does a nice job conveying his character’s awkward transition into adulthood. Peter can be charming one minute and petulant the next, just like a lot of real-life college students. Atkins’ youthfulness also works well in his scenes with Larry Hagman, where Peter is the fair-haired Luke Skywalker to J.R.’s black-hearted Darth Vader. But whenever the script calls for Peter and Sue Ellen to share a romantic moment, I can’t help but wish he looked a little older.

But even if Sue Ellen and Peter’s love scene in “Peter’s Principles” worked better, it still wouldn’t be the most provocative moment in this episode. No, that distinction belongs to the wonderful exchange where Miss Ellie admits to Donna that she’s nervous about marrying Clayton because she hasn’t “been” with a man since Jock died. This conversation, which takes place while Ellie and Donna are exercising in the Southfork fitness room, lets us know Ellie remains a sexual creature. This would be a progressive idea for television to address today, so I can only imagine how extraordinary it must have seemed 30 years ago. Both actors are quite good here: Barbara Bel Geddes conveys Ellie’s quiet anxiety without sacrificing the character’s dignity, while Susan Howard’s gentle responses signal Donna’s respect for the Ewing matriarch. I especially like when Ellie says that she and Clayton “never had any real physical contact … beyond a kiss and a hug,” and Donna responds, “Yes, ma’am. I understand.” This is exactly how I would expect Donna to treat a woman like Ellie.

“Peter’s Principles” also shows Clayton confiding in Ray his own unease about marrying Ellie and moving onto “another man’s ranch and into another man’s house.” This marks the beginning of Clayton and Ray’s friendship, a relationship that makes a lot of sense given the outsider status both men occupy in the family Ewing. I also like the “Peter’s Principles” scene where Bobby and Pam have dinner because it makes them seem like two mature people who have remained friends despite the fact they are ex-spouses. This exchange is also useful because it helps the audience understand how much risk is involved in Cliff’s offshore oil venture, which is one of the major subplots in the coming episodes. As Bobby explains to Pam, it can cost as much as $300,000 to tow a rig to a drilling site, $40,000 a day to rent the rig and $20,000 a day to operate it. These numbers boggle my mind today; imagine how big they must have seemed three decades ago.

There’s also a lot of humor in “Peter’s Principles,” beginning with J.R.’s quips about Clayon’s son (“Dusty or Steve or what the hell ever that rodeo rider calls himself nowadays”) and Ray’s wife (“You sure married a winner”). I also like when Clayton announces he’s taking Ellie to see a revival of “Camelot” — a sly reference to one of Howard Keel’s famous stage roles. Other funny moments are unintentional: The exterior shot of Peter’s apartment is the same one used for Mitch Cooper’s residence during the fourth season; look closely and you’ll even see Mitch’s Mustang parked near the curb. Also, as much as I love Ellie and Donna’s scene in the fitness room, I can’t help but notice that despite all of Howard’s huffing and puffing while doing her character’s leg lifts, there’s no weight on the bar.

Poor Donna. Perhaps she would benefit from some professional training at Pam’s aerobics studio. Come to think of it, whatever became of that place?

Grade: B

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Fade to black

‘PETER’S PRINCIPLES’

Season 7, Episode 14

Airdate: January 6, 1984

Audience: 21.3 million homes, ranking 1st in the weekly ratings

Writer: Arthur Bernard Lewis

Director: Patrick Duffy

Synopsis: Sue Ellen learns Peter has dropped out of school but persuades him to return by sleeping with him. J.R. continues digging for dirt on Clayton and confirms a dark secret about Edgar. Clayton and Ellie harbor private reservations about marrying each other. Marilee expresses interest in joining Cliff’s offshore oil venture and comes between him and Afton. Bobby and Pam have dinner, upsetting Jenna and Mark.

Cast: Christopher Atkins (Peter Richards), John Beck (Mark Graison), Barbara Bel Geddes (Miss Ellie Ewing), Martin E. Brooks (Edgar Randolph), James L. Brown (Detective Harry McSween), Pat Colbért (Dora Mae), Roseanna Christiansen (Teresa), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Al Dunlap  (decorator), Fern Fitzgerald (Marilee Stone), David Gale (Melvin), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Sherril Lynn Katzman (Jackie), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Audrey Landers (Afton Cooper), Anne Lucas (Cassie), Lee Montgomery (Jerry Hunter), Louis R. Plante (Robert)Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Julie Ronnie (student), Don Starr (Jordan Lee), Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing)

“Peter’s Principles” is available on DVD and at Amazon.com and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Work it out, Mama

In “Peter’s Principles,” a seventh-season “Dallas” episode, Donna (Susan Howard) sits on a weight bench and does leg lifts in the Southfork fitness room while Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) peddles on the exercise bike.

DONNA: I knew there was something missing.

ELLIE: What’s that?

DONNA: [Chuckles] Your engagement ring. You’re not wearing it.

ELLIE: Well, I thought I was going to do some gardening later, so I left it upstairs.

DONNA: Shoot, I don’t know. I think I’d rather give up gardening than take a rock like that off my finger.

ELLIE: [Chuckles] It is beautiful, isn’t it?

DONNA: Yes, it is. You know what? I am so excited about the prospects of you and Clayton getting married. You know, you really make a gorgeous couple.

ELLIE: [Sighs, stops peddling] Donna, I keep thinking I’m rushing things.

DONNA: Well, I don’t know how you figure that. I mean, you’ve been seeing each other for over a year and you have been together constantly for the past couple of months.

ELLIE: I know.

DONNA: And you obviously get along very well.

ELLIE: Clayton’s a wonderful man.

DONNA: What’s the matter, Miss Ellie?

ELLIE: I’m not sure. The problems we left behind when we went on our trip are very near now.

DONNA: Well, I can’t imagine there being a problem in the whole wide world that you and Clayton couldn’t work out together.

ELLIE: Well, there’s the problem of where we live. And, when Clayton and I marry, he doesn’t just get me, he gets the whole family.

DONNA: You mean your sons — J.R. in particular. [She lies on her belly and begins doing leg lifts]

ELLIE: [Smiles] Yes.

DONNA: Well, I have to tell you, if there’s anybody that can handle J.R., it’s Clayton Farlow.

ELLIE: Maybe.

DONNA: [Stops exercising] Miss Ellie, is there something else that you’re not telling me?

ELLIE: [Glances down] Not really. It’s just that when Clayton and I were away, even though we saw each other every day, we never had any real physical contact. You know, beyond a kiss and a hug.

DONNA: Yes, ma’am. I understand.

ELLIE: There’s been no one since Jock.

DONNA: [Nods] Miss Ellie, Clayton is a very understanding man. And whatever it is, I know you can work it out.

Ain’t over yet

It’s never too late to start watching “Dallas.” If you missed the original show and the first two seasons of TNT’s sequel series, fear not: This post will tell you everything you need to know before Season 3 begins on Monday, February 24. (*OK, this isn’t really everything that’s happened on “Dallas.” For that, you’ll have to keep reading Dallas Decoder every day.)

The Original Series (1978 to 1991)

In the beginning

Bobby Ewing (Patrick Duffy), the youngest son of a rich oil and cattle clan, marries Pam Barnes (Victoria Principal) and brings her home to Southfork, the Ewing ranch. This upsets everyone, especially Pam’s daddy Digger (David Wayne), who blames Bobby’s daddy Jock (Jim Davis) for stealing his sweetheart, Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes), and cheating him out of half of Ewing Oil. While Bobby’s devious brother J.R. (Larry Hagman) is building the family empire and catting around, J.R.’s neglected wife Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) becomes an alcoholic and has an affair with Cliff (Ken Kercheval), Pam’s vengeful brother. Later, J.R. and Sue Ellen have a son, John Ross, while Bobby and Pam adopt Christopher, the orphaned child of Sue Ellen’s sister Kristin Shepard (Mary Crosby) and sleazy Jeff Faraday (Art Hindle). Elsewhere, Ray Krebbs, Southfork’s foreman, discovers Jock is his daddy and marries savvy politico Donna Culver (Susan Howard), while Lucy (Charlene Tilton), the daughter of J.R. and Bobby’s middle brother Gary (Ted Shackelford) and his wife Valene (Joan Van Ark), gets engaged to everyone.

End of an era

More drama: Digger dies and so does Jock, leaving Ellie to hold the family together with help from second hubby Clayton Farlow (Howard Keel). Southfork burns down, but the Ewings rebuild it. Cliff hooks up with Afton Cooper (Audrey Landers), who gives birth to their daughter Pamela Rebecca, but Afton refuses to let Cliff near the child because of his fixation with destroying the Ewings. Cliff and Pam’s half-sister Katherine Wentworth (Morgan Brittany) arrives, becomes obsessed with Bobby and tries to kill him, then vanishes under a big hat. Sue Ellen beats the bottle and divorces J.R., while Pam has a bad dream, gets burned in a car crash and runs away. Bobby has an on-again, off-again romance with first love Jenna Wade (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley), who gives birth to their son Lucas and then marries newly divorced Ray. James (Sasha Mitchell), J.R.’s illegitimate son, shows up for a while and emulates the old man. Bobby marries April (Sheree J. Wilson), but she dies. J.R. marries Cally (Cathy Podewell), but she leaves. In the end, Cliff finally takes over Ewing Oil, leaving J.R. alone and suicidal.

Hurts so good

Best Episode: “Swan Song.” The eighth-season finale finds J.R. and Sue Ellen’s marriage on the rocks, unlike the vodka she’s secretly swilling in her bedroom.  Meanwhile, Bobby chooses Pam over Jenna, but crazy Katherine runs him over with her car. The episode ends with the Ewings bidding farewell to Bobby in a deathbed scene that’s so beautifully written and acted, you almost wish it wasn’t part of Pam’s dream. Almost.

Shot in the dark

J.R.’s Greatest Moment: Who shot J.R.? Sure, taking a couple of slugs to the gut is no fun for our hero, but at least he makes billions of dollars in a risky offshore oil deal before he’s gunned down. Oh, and in case you didn’t hear, J.R.’s assailant turns out to be Kristin, his sister-in-law/ex-secretary/ex-mistress, who’s revealed as the shooter in one of the most-watched broadcasts in television history. (Props to Sue Ellen, who figures it all out.)

TNT Season 1 (2012)

When cousins clash

J.R. emerges from a nursing home and tricks Bobby into selling him Southfork so he can tap the ocean of oil flowing beneath it. Like their fathers, John Ross and Christopher (Josh Henderson, Jesse Metcalfe) butt heads, except their rivalry has an added twist: John Ross has fallen for Elena Ramos (Jordana Brewster), who was Christopher’s childhood sweetheart. Christopher marries Rebecca Sutter (Julie Gonzalo), unaware that she’s the daughter of Cliff, who is now the gazillionaire owner of Barnes Global and still hell-bent on destroying the Ewings. Rebecca kills her lover Tommy Sutter (Callard Harris) in self-defense and has Cliff’s henchman Frank Ashkani (Faran Tahir) dispose of the body. Meanwhile, Sue Ellen runs for governor; Bobby’s new wife Ann (Brenda Strong) feels threatened by ex-husband Harris Ryland (Mitch Pileggi), who knows she’s harboring a dark secret; and John Ross, Christopher and Elena form a company, Ewing Energies, but the partnership is threatened when Elena breaks her engagement to John Ross and reunites with Christopher, who dumps the pregnant Rebecca.

Bad does good

Best Episode: “Family Business.” In one of Hagman’s most poignant performances, J.R. learns Bobby is secretly battling cancer and returns Southfork to him, ending the season-long war for the ranch. Later, in a chill-inducing musical montage (set to Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around”), poor Bobby suffers a seizure and Rebecca shoots Tommy, splattering blood over her unborn twins’ stuffed animals. Hmmm. Foreshadow, much?

Pass the torch

J.R.’s Greatest Moment: Who loves J.R.? His son John Ross, who ends the season by gazing at the Dallas skyline with dear old dad and asking him to teach him “every dirty trick” he knows so he can push Christopher and Elena out of Ewing Energies. J.R. beams with pride and tells John Ross that he’s his son “from tip to tail.” Hey, J.R. may have given up the fight for Southfork, but he wasn’t giving up his devious ways — thank goodness.

TNT Season 2 (2013)

All about evil

Rebecca reveals she’s Pamela Rebecca Barnes and hooks up with John Ross. Ann shoots Harris after learning he kidnapped their daughter Emma when she was a baby and sent her to be raised by his control-freak mother, Judith (Judith Light). Ann gets probation, Harris recovers and Judith falls down the stairs. Frank takes the blame for Tommy’s death and kills himself at the request of Cliff, who causes Pamela’s miscarriage. When J.R. is murdered in Mexico, it appears Cliff is the killer, so Bobby, Christopher and newlyweds John Ross and Pamela plant evidence on Cliff to make sure he’s arrested. Oh, and Christopher also discovers Cliff covered up his mom’s death. Elsewhere, John Ross somehow inherits half of Southfork; Sue Ellen loses the election but continues to tangle with Governor McConaughey (Steven Weber); Emma (Emma Bell) sleeps with Elena’s ne’er-do-well brother Drew (Kuno Becker), becomes John Ross’s mistress and turns Harris in to the cops for drug trafficking; and when Christopher dumps Elena, jailbird Cliff asks her to become his proxy at Barnes Global, which the Ewings now control.

Mourning glory

Best Episode: “J.R.’s Masterpiece.” Our hero is laid to rest in an instant-classic hour that brings back several stars from the original series. The highlight: On the night before J.R.’s burial, Sue Ellen takes a heartbreaking tumble off the wagon, then delivers a mesmerizing eulogy for the man she calls “the love of my life.” Can someone please explain how Linda Gray didn’t win an Emmy for this performance?

Only you

J.R.’s Greatest Moment: Who killed J.R.? J.R. did, of course. It turns out he was dying of cancer and arranged his own death so Cliff could be framed for the crime, thus ending the Barnes-Ewing feud … for about 2 minutes, at least. Only a handful of people know the truth, including Bobby, J.R.’s loyal private eye Bum (Kevin Page), Christopher and John Ross, who gets it right when he says, “The only person who could take down J.R. … was J.R.”

What are your favorite “Dallas” memories? What do you want to see happen in Season 3? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Here they go again

No one should be surprised to see Southfork go up in flames in “Where There’s Smoke,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. The Ewings aren’t exactly the poster family for exercising care and caution around the house, are they? Here’s a look at the everyday, common sense practices they routinely ignore.

Don’t hit the snooze button

Lock your doors. It sounds so simple, and yet the Ewings never seem to grasp the importance of this one. When B.D. Calhoun (Hunter von Leer) tried to kill J.R., did he swarm Southfork with his band of gun-toting mercenaries-for-hire? Nope. Calhoun simply walked into the house in the middle of the night, climbed the stairs, slipped into J.R.’s room and left a ticking time bomb on the nightstand. Several years later, when Vicente Cano decided to hold the Ewings hostage in their living room, he too waltzed in through the front door. Sheesh! Look, Southfork doesn’t have that many entrances. Is it that hard to remember to lock them?

Looks right at home

Avoid fires. We can all agree open flames inside a home are almost never a good idea, right? So could someone please explain why J.R. (Larry Hagman) had all those candles burning at Southfork on the night Ray showed up to confront him over Mickey Trotter’s accident? I mean, it’s not like J.R. was trying to set a romantic mood for Sue Ellen, who was passed out drunk upstairs. Anyhow, J.R. and Ray got into a huge fistfight, the candles went crashing to the floor and before you knew it, the house was ablaze. Everyone escaped unharmed, although poor John Ross was so traumatized, he emerged from the tragedy looking like a different kid.

Nuts for breakfast

Know your houseguests. Is there a polite way to ask potential guests if they have a history of mental health issues? If so, please pass this tip along to the Ewings, who are constantly offering room and board to people who belong in an insane asylum, not the spare bedroom at Southfork. Over the years, the Ewings’ overnight guests have included Jessica Montfort (Alexis Smith), who ended up kidnapping Miss Ellie and stuffing her in the trunk of her car; sex-crazed drug dealer Tommy McKay, who practically tried to rape April Stevens in John Ross’s bed; and that dreadful Cousin Jamie, who wasn’t crazy but drove everyone else bonkers.

Oh, Donna

Don’t provoke the animals. Oh, look. Here’s dear, pregnant Pam, who gets in accidents the way other people catch colds. Pam can’t find her husband Bobby, so she’s decided to ride her horse out to the barn to look for him. Pam, given your condition, are you sure that’s a good idea? Oops, too late: Pam fell off the horse. Oh, no. What’s happening now? Is our buddy Ray (Steve Kanaly) trying to introduce his pregnant wife Donna (Susan Howard) to one of the Southfork bulls? Ray, given your wife’s condition, are you sure that’s a good idea? Oops, too late: The bull got spooked and tried to charge Donna, who’s been knocked out cold. Sigh.

Ka-booom!

Be a good neighbor. When you have a dispute with a neighbor, do you try to resolve it by talking things out? If so, you’re nothing like the Ewings, whose preferred approach to conflict resolution is to start blowing stuff up. Just ask Carter McKay. After he bought the ranch next to Southfork and got into a spat with the Ewings over water rights, they responded by stuffing McKay’s dam full of dynamite and blasting it to smithereens. This led to a war between the McKays and the Ewings — no, seriously, both families hired their own armies — which is surely a violation of the Braddock homeowners’ association bylaws.

Not now, Lucy

Beware of heights. Elevated spaces can be dangerous. We all know this, right? So why can’t the Ewings and their friends steer clear of them? Klutzy Pam fell from the hayloft — and suffered a miscarriage, no less. Sue Ellen (Linda Gray) and Clayton each tumbled down the stairs — although not at the same time, thank goodness. And when a couple of renegade oil barons began chasing secretary Julie Grey, she went to the roof of her building because … well, why not? Then there’s poor Kristin, who figured the Southfork balcony was the perfect place to try to blackmail the man she once pumped full of lead. We all know how well that turned out.

Killer fashions

Protect the kids. Do you see the tragedy that’s about to unfold in this picture? I’m not referring to the fact that little Christopher (Joshua Harris) is pulling Bobby’s gun out of the bedroom closet so he can play with it. Ewings love guns; that’s just a fact of life and nothing will ever change it. No, I’m talking about that L.A. Gear shoebox. Does this mean Pam wore L.A. Gears, the gaudiest sneakers known to man? You don’t suppose they were neon pink high-tops, do you? Look, I don’t care if it was the ’80s; how could Pam subject her family to those ugly shoes? For goodness sake, Pam, think of the children!

Way to make a splash

Don’t go near the water. You know what swimming pools are for? Swimming. They’re not the place to settle scores with Cliff Barnes (Ken Kercheval) and they’re not the place to work out Ewing Oil business disputes. Of course, just try telling this to the Ewings, who are constantly shoving their enemies — and each other — into the Southfork pool. Everyone gets dunked — fully clothed and against their will — at one point or another. Or at least that’s what used to happen on “Dallas.” This might be the one area of household safety where the Ewings have learned their lesson, which is kind of a shame. I mean, where’s the fun in that?

What have they done now?

Get some insurance. Maybe the reason the Ewings aren’t more careful around the house is because they’ve got the best insurance policy ever: Bobby (Patrick Duffy). No matter what mishaps befall these people, they know good ol’ Bob will save the day. Southfork catches fire? Bobby will come along in the nick of time to make sure everyone gets out alive. Range war with McKay? Bobby will go Chuck Norris on his ass and single-handedly disarm his militia. That termite Cliff starts a pool fight? Well, Bobby won’t break up the scuffle, but he’ll make damn sure Barnes gets the beating he deserves. Bobby, this is why we love you. Never leave us, OK?

What are your favorite examples of the Ewings’ carelessness? Share your memories in the comments section below and read more Dallas Decoder Guides.

Some Trekkies prefer “Star Trek: The Next Generation” to the original series and some Whitney Houston fans insist her version of “I Will Always Love You” is superior to Dolly Parton’s. Do any “Dallas” fans like the new show better than the original?

Your #DallasChat Daily question: Which “Dallas” series do you like best — and why?

Share your thoughts in the comments section below. Remember the “Miss Ellie Rule”: Keep it civil. Have a great discussion!

None of “Dallas’s” women characters worked outside their homes when the original show began in 1978, but that gradually changed: Pam got a job at The Store and later entered the oil industry, Lucy modeled and waitressed, Donna became a politico, and Sue Ellen dabbled in fund-raising, lingerie and filmmaking. On TNT’s sequel series, Pamela is co-owner of Ewing Global and Elena works at the company, while Judith calls the shots at Ryland Transport and the brothel.

Your #DallasChat Daily question: How would you describe “Dallas’s” depiction of working women? Have things improved, worsened or stayed the same?

Share your thoughts in the comments section below. Have a great discussion!

Every “Dallas” fan knows Bobby was Jock’s favorite son, but figuring out which daughter-in-law he favored is a bit tougher.

Jock was no fan of Pam when she arrived at Southfork, but he movingly persuaded her to stay at the ranch when Bobby threatened to take her and leave after her first miscarriage. Jock scolded Sue Ellen when she went missing after J.R.’s shooting, but he also rushed to her defense when Cliff claimed he was John Ross’s father. Jock was friends with Donna before she got together with Ray, but when the couple’s relationship hit a rough patch, he refused to intervene. As for Valene? Yes, Jock helped prevent her from raising Lucy, but the old man also showed up at Gary and Val’s second wedding, hoping to mend fences.

Your #DallasChat Daily question: Which one of Jock’s daughters-in-law did he like best?

Share your thoughts in the comments section below. Have a great discussion!

Bobby would never steal one of his brother’s wives, but I bet some of those gals wish they had married him instead. So how about we play a little fantasy matchmaking?

Should Sue Ellen or Cally have married Bobby instead of J.R.? If Valene and Abby hadn’t married Gary, would they have been better off as better halves to Bobby? Instead of marrying Ray, should Donna and Jenna have waited around for Bobby to become available?

Your #DallasChat Daily question: Which sister-in-law should have married Bobby?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

The original “Dallas” debuted with nine principal characters (Jock, Miss Ellie, J.R., Sue Ellen, Bobby, Pam, Lucy, Ray and Cliff), but the cast grew steadily as the show progressed. How did the additions measure up to the originals?

The notable newcomers over the years included Donna (Susan Howard), Clayton (Howard Keel), Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley), Jack (Dack Rambo), April (Sheree J. Wilson), Michelle (Kimberly Foster) and James (Sasha Mitchell).

Your #DallasChat Daily question: Who are “Dallas’s” best and worst cast additions?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

Let’s face it: “Dallas” didn’t always know when to say goodbye. Some characters hung around long after their storyline possibilities were exhausted, while other favorites still had lots of untapped potential when they were written out.

Consider the group pictured here: Lucy, Ray, Donna, Jenna, Kristin, Jeremy, Mickey, Holly and April. (I’ll let you decide which character belongs in which category.) This is just a sampling; you’re welcome to name other characters too.

Your #DallasChat Daily questions: Which “Dallas” characters stayed too long? Which characters left too soon?

Share your comments below and join other #DallasChat Daily discussions.

Your turn, Annie

The Ewings discover Ann and Emma (Brenda Strong, Emma Bell) have been kidnapped in “Boxed In,” TNT’s latest “Dallas” episode. Fortunately, our favorite TV family has plenty of experience dealing with this kind of thing. Here’s a look at the 13 most harrowing kidnappings from the original series.

Far out!

13. Lucy (1978). When the Ewings refused to let Valene come to Lucy’s birthday party, Lucy ran away from Southfork and hitched a ride with Willie Gust (Greg Evigan) — and who can blame her? Willie had the tightest jeans, the most feathery hair and the grooviest custom van in Texas, right down to the wall-to-wall fake-fur carpeting. Too bad Willie was also a lunatic who ended up taking Lucy (Charlene Tilton) on a cross-Texas crime spree. Bobby rescued her, of course, but we never found out what happened to Willie. Was he really as psychotic as he seemed? Or were those jeans merely cutting off the circulation to his brain?

J.R. Duncan

12. John Ross (1979). Hey, remember when Sue Ellen nipped a little too much from her “special bottle” of Scope, escaped from the sanitarium, wrecked her car and gave birth to John Ross? And remember how Priscilla Duncan (Sheila Larken) quietly snatched the baby from the hospital? And then remember how happy we all were when Pam figured out what happened and reunited J.R. and Sue Ellen with their son? Well, hindsight being what it is, am I the only one who now thinks John Ross might have been better off with Ms. Duncan? Sure, she was nuts, but think of all the daddy issues the kid would’ve avoided.

Who shut up J.R.?

11. J.R. Ex-mobster Joseph Lombardi wanted answers when his son Nick Pearce plunged to his death after tussling with J.R. (Larry Hagman) on a high-rise balcony, so Lombardi sent his goons after our hero. They bound and gagged J.R. and brought him to a cheap motel, where Lombardi grilled him about the night Nick died. J.R. insisted it was all an accident — and fortunately Sue Ellen confirmed his account, prompting Lombardi to release him. It was cool to see Hagman act opposite the great Joseph Campanella, and we have to give Lombardi props for stand up to ol’ J.R. But would I want to see him kidnapped again? Fahgettaboudit.

Cuff him if you can

10. Bobby. “Dallas” has given us a lot of credibility-stretching storylines over the years (cough, cough Haleyville), but you know what I’ll never believe? I’ll never believe that Bobby James Ewing (Patrick Duffy) — that strapping, hunk of Grade A Texas beefcake — could be outmuscled by the clowns who kidnapped him during the middle of the show’s second season. For goodness sakes, Bobby is the kind of guy who can take on a barroom full of drunk cowboys and walk away without a scratch. The only thing more ridiculous than seeing him abducted is seeing the Ewings turn to Cliff Barnes to rescue him!

Darlin’ detained

9. Sue Ellen. Oh, for the love of Pete. Sue Ellen, what have you gone and done now? Did you really allow that creep B.D. Calhoun to slip you a mickey so he could photograph himself with you and send the pictures to J.R.? Didn’t you learn not to trust strange men during Pam’s dream the previous season? Actually, even though Sue Ellen should have known better, this subplot marked the beginning of a turning point in her marriage: Once J.R. vanquished Calhoun, he felt so bad about what happened to his family, he finally kicked that Winger tramp to the curb. Hmmm. On second thought, maybe Sue Ellen knew what she was doing all along.

Welcome to the jungle

8. Pam. When an old back injury flared up during “Dallas’s” ninth season, Victoria Principal took a break from the show, leaving the writers scrambling to explain her absence. Their solution? Have Pam kidnapped by jungle mercenaries, of course! The subplot proves surprisingly effective, especially when we see Cliff’s determination to rescue his sister. (Their reunion after the bad guys release her is one of many great scenes between Principal and Ken Kercheval.) Looking back, I can’t help but wonder: Why couldn’t “Dallas” come up with a good storyline to explain Principal’s absence when she left the show for good two years later?

Take her. Please.

7. Jenna. When Jenna (Priscilla Beaulieu Presley) fled Dallas on the day she was supposed to marry Bobby, she left behind a note that explained she had fallen in love with someone else and was running away. Except that wasn’t true: Jenna’s ex Renaldo Marchetta (Daniel Pilon) had kidnapped her and forced her to pen the letter to throw the Ewings off their trail. When this storyline aired during the winter and spring of 1985, I spent weeks on the edge of my seat, anxious to see how it would turn out. Little did I know things would end on such a tragic note, when Dreadful Jenna™ returned to Southfork. Oh, the humanity!

Captive audience

6. John Ross (1986). Here we go again. After B.D. Calhoun (Hunter von Leer) kidnapped and released Sue Ellen, he set his sights on John Ross (Omri Katz), J.R. and Sue Ellen’s son. Calhoun snatched the kid from a hotel pool in Los Angeles, where J.R. and Bobby sent their wives and boys to protect them from the threat Calhoun posed. The crazed mercenary forced little John Ross to make a hostage tape, which turned Sue Ellen into a blubbering mess when she watched it. Fear not, honey: The Ewing brothers eventually rescued John Ross, who would grow up to star alongside Emma Ryland in a much different kind of video.

Gagged, reeling

5. Lucy (1982). Well, what do you know? Lucy’s been kidnapped yet again. This time, the culprit is Roger Larson, the photographer who helped turn her into Texas’s tiniest top model. Unlike most of the other kidnappings on this list, Roger didn’t abduct Lucy for ransom or revenge — he was obsessed with her. He kept the Ewing heiress locked in a room plastered with the pictures he took of her. (Do stalkers do this in real life, or only on TV?) Bobby and Pam eventually rescued Lucy, but not before Pam told off Roger in one of Principal’s best scenes. Gee, like Sue Ellen, maybe Lucy should’ve gotten kidnapped more often too.

Feet first

4. Lucy (Early 1960s). Lucy’s first kidnapping is an integral part of “Dallas” lore. It’s mentioned in the first episode, when Lucy recalls how J.R.’s “old boys” snatched her from Valene’s arms when she was a baby and brought her to Southfork to be raised by Jock and Miss Ellie. We finally saw the kidnapping in a “Knots Landing” flashback, where we learned the ugly mess probably could’ve been prevented: No, I’m not referring to the fact that Lillimae refused to let Val (Joan Van Ark) into her shack when J.R.’s henchmen were chasing her. I’m talking about the fact Val was barefoot when she was trying to outrun them. Good grief, Val. Buy some shoes.

Carry on

3. John Ross (1981). When Sue Ellen and John Ross went to live at the Southern Cross, J.R. was determined to get his boy back. He saw an opportunity when Sue Ellen took the child with her to Kristin’s funeral in New Mexico. Mother and son were gliding through a Love Field terminal when two of J.R.’s thugs approached. While one man distracted Sue Ellen, the other snatched the child. Suddenly, Dusty Farlow and a trio of Southern Cross cowboys swarmed the dude holding John Ross. “Give us the boy,” Dusty demanded — and of course the guy did. This might have been “Dallas’s” briefest abduction, but wasn’t it exciting!

Trunk show

2. Miss Ellie. Look everybody, Donna’s here! What’s wrong, Donna? You seem upset. What’s that, you say? Jessica called Dusty and told him Clayton’s wedding to Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes) is off? And then Jessica knocked you out with the phone? And then she stole your car? And then she took Mama?! Geez, Donna, couldn’t you have given us that last bit of information first? No matter. Between Susan Howard’s pained delivery and Richard Lewis Warren’s tension-building score, the scene where the Ewings discover Mama has been abducted by loony tune Jessica is positively thrilling — even if Donna did bury the lede.

Grand theft auto

1. April. Every abduction on this list ends happily for the victim — except this one. The original “Dallas” kicked off its final season with the kidnapping of April (Sheree J. Wilson) during her Parisian honeymoon with Bobby. The storyline was a little complicated — the culprit was Hillary Taylor (Susan Lucci), a mystery woman who took April so she could assume her identity and make a big speech at an OPEC conference — and yet it was also a dramatic thrill ride. Fans expected Bobby to get his bride back by the time all was said and done — and so imagine our surprise when she was gunned down at the conference. It was a hell of a way to start the original show’s last season, telegraphing to the audience that this would be the year anything could happen on “Dallas” — and damn near did.

Which kidnapping did you find most harrowing on “Dallas”? Share your thoughts in the comments section below and read more Dal-Lists.

Takes one to know one

In “The Unexpected,” a seventh-season “Dallas” episode, Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes), J.R. (Larry Hagman), Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), Bobby (Patrick Duffy), Ray (Steve Kanaly), Donna (Susan Howard) and Lucy (Charlene Tilton) are in the Southfork living room, awaiting Clayton and Jessica’s arrival.

J.R.: Mama, would you relax? You look like you’re going to pounce on Lady Montford when she walks through the door.

Clayton and Jessica (Howard Keel, Alexis Smith) enter.

CLAYTON: Well, if that’s what she’s going to do, now’s the time to do it.

JESSICA: Better be careful. As Clayton can tell you, folks used to say I wrastle mountain lions down in San Angelo. And there’s one thing I want to get straight from the beginning. Please don’t “Lady Montford” me to death. I answer to “Jessie.”

CLAYTON: She’s also shy, I might add.

ELLIE: Welcome to Southfork, Jessie. [Approaches, takes Jessica’s hands.]

JESSICA: Thank you, Miss Ellie. I was so anxious to see what you looked like, I asked Clayton to show me a snapshot. The man didn’t have any.

ELLIE: Well, we’ll have to fix that.

JESSICA: You sure waited a long time before you asked someone to marry you, Clayton. [Patting Ellie’s hands] But I think she was worth waiting for.

ELLIE: Thank you, Jessie.

JESSICA: [Slipping her hands out of Ellie’s] You know, I thought he was going to stay single for the rest of his life. Either that, or marry someone half his age. [J.R. chuckles]

ELLIE: Jessie, I’d you to meet my family. This is my granddaughter Lucy.

LUCY: Hi.

ELLIE: And my daughters-in-law Donna and Sue Ellen. [They smile and nod] And my three sons, J.R. and Bobby and Ray.

JESSICA: Well, I’m certainly happy to meet you. [Chuckles] Now I know I’ve been away from Texas too long. I’d forgotten how handsome they grew the men in this state.

BOBBY: Well, we thank you.

JESSICA: Now, all I want to know is, which ones are married and which ones play around, or both. [Chuckles] Oh, I’m only kidding, Sue Ellen and Donna. But I can’t remember which one belongs to which since there are three sons and only two daughters-in-law.

DONNA: Well, you’d have to fight me for the silver-haired one here.

JESSICA: No, I think I’d rather tackle another mountain lion. Sue Ellen?

SUE ELLEN: I’m married to J.R.

JESSICA: I see. Well, that leaves Bobby as the single one.

J.R.: Well, that’s only temporary. The ladies are lining up for him.

JESSICA: I’m not surprised. But on the way back from the airport, Clayton spent almost as much time talking about you, J.R., as he did about Miss Ellie. I have a feeling you’re the dangerous one.

J.R.: Well, yes, I have that reputation. But I’m kind to my family and close friends.

JESSICA: [Smiling] Then I think want to be your friend. [To Ellie] I especially want to be your friend.

ELLIE: [Smiling] I’d like that.

JESSICA: Sometimes I come on a little strong. If I do, slap me down. You know, Clayton, there was a nice young man out there struggling with my excess baggage. Did he make it?

CLAYTON: He’s here now. [Takes two shopping bags from Raoul, hands them to Jessica]

JESSICA: Well, there’s China and linen for the ladies — very British — and wool sweaters for the men. I hope I guessed the sizes right. Bobby, would you fix me a little bourbon and branch? Now where’s that special box?

CLAYTON: [Holds up a long wooden case] This one?

JESSICA: [Opens it, removes a sword] I think it’s appropriate to give this to the eldest male member of the Ewing family. It belonged to Henry’s great-grandfather. It hung over the mantel in our home. [Presents it to J.R.]

J.R.: [Hands his drink to Sue Ellen] Darlin’, would you please? Well, this is beautiful. [Takes the sword] Are you sure you want to give us a family heirloom?

JESSICA: Yes, I am. I want your family to know how important this marriage is to me.

ELLIE: Thank you, Jessica.

BOBBY: [Hands her a drink] Jessica?

JESSICA: Oh, thank you. [Raises her glass] To the Ewings … and to the Farlows.

How sweet she is

What do I love about the final scene in “Hush, Hush, Sweet Jessie”? Oh, pretty much everything. The Ewings stand in the Southfork driveway, panicked because no one knows the whereabouts of Miss Ellie and Jessica, whose murderous past has finally come to light. Suddenly, Donna arrives in Ray’s pickup truck. She gets out, bloodied and shaken, and explains that she’s just come from the Krebbs’ home, where Jessica knocked her out, swiped one of Ray’s handguns, took Ellie and drove who-knows-where in Donna’s car. J.R. looks stricken. “We’ve got to find them,” he says. “Jessica has killed once. Who knows what she’ll do with Mama?” Duh-duh-duh!

Is this a moment of pure camp? Yes, of course. How could any scene that requires the audience to imagine Alexis Smith abducting Barbara Bel Geddes at gunpoint not be campy? And what about the way Donna announces her news? Shouldn’t she hop out of Ray’s truck and offer the most important facts first: “Hey, everyone, Jessica has kidnapped Miss Ellie!” Instead, Donna tells the story chronologically; this allows the episode to end with the dramatic revelation that Mama has been abducted, but it isn’t very realistic. There’s also this: After Larry Hagman delivers his “We’ve got to find them” line, we get a reaction shot from Howard Keel and Patrick Duffy, who stand side by side and turn their eyes to the camera in near perfect unison. It’s priceless.

And yet despite all this, the scene is undeniably thrilling. The most valuable actors are Hagman, who makes J.R.’s concern easy to believe, and Susan Howard, whose halting, anguished delivery is pitch-perfect. She gets a big assist from the brilliant composer Richard Lewis Warren, whose underscore lends urgency to the entire sequence. I especially love how there’s no music during most of Donna’s monologue until she recalls awakening after Jessica knocked her out. Warren slowly brings in the orchestra when Donna says, “And then when I came to … they were both gone.” By the time she gets to this line — “Ray, she took one of your guns!” — the music has swelled. Can any “Dallas” fan watch this part without getting goose bumps?

The rest of “Hush, Hush, Sweet Jessie” is almost as good. Smith is as over-the-top as ever when Jessica finally unravels in Ray and Donna’s kitchen, but Bel Geddes, with her believably bewildered expression, manages to keep the scene grounded. Meanwhile, Katherine proves she can wheel and deal with the best of them when she agrees to buy Cliff’s share of Wentworth Tool & Die at a bargain-basement price, and it’s great fun to see Morgan Brittany deliver lines like “Oil, oil, everywhere, and not a drop for Cliff.” Also, how can you not love the long-awaited moment when Pam confronts Katherine after learning she forged the letter that broke up her marriage to Bobby? The slap Pam delivers must be one of the most cathartic moments in “Dallas” history, and isn’t it nice to see Victoria Principal demonstrate some of the spark that once made her character so compelling?

“Hush, Hush, Sweet Jessie” raises a few other questions that probably wouldn’t occur to anyone but “Dallas” devotees. Here’s one: At the beginning of the episode, Lucy speaks on the phone to Jackie, Cliff’s secretary. Is this the first, and perhaps only, time these two women interact? Here’s another: After J.R. confronts Clayton and Ray with Jessica’s diary in a Braddock parking lot, the three men hop into J.R.’s Mercedes and hightail it back to the ranch. Is this the first time we’ve seen J.R. and Ray share a ride since they palled around in the first-season episode “Winds of Vengeance”?

There’s also this: When the producers named this episode, they were surely offering a loving nod to the 1964 thriller “Hush … Hush, Sweet Charlotte,” which starred Bette Davis as a wealthy spinster driven mad by her scheming cousin, played by Olivia de Havilland. (Future “Dallas” star George Kennedy has a small role too.) The film, which received seven Oscar nominations, is now regarded by some as a camp classic. Did the “Dallas” producers know this episode would achieve a similar distinction?

Grade: A

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Through the looking glass

‘HUSH, HUSH, SWEET JESSIE’

Season 7, Episode 29

Airdate: May 11, 1984

Audience: 20.4 million homes, ranking 4th in the weekly ratings

Writer: David Paulsen

Director: Gwen Arner

Synopsis: Pam learns Mark knew he was dying and killed himself. Cliff reluctantly sells his share of Wentworth Tool & Die to Katherine, whom Pam slaps after she discovers Katherine’s role in ending her marriage to Bobby. Clayton tells Ray and Donna that Dusty is actually Jessica’s son. After J.R. uncovers evidence Jessica killed Clayton’s first wife, she kidnaps Miss Ellie.

Cast: Mary Armstrong (Louise), Christopher Atkins (Peter Richards), Barbara Bel Geddes (Miss Ellie Ewing), Morgan Brittany (Katherine Wentworth), James L. Brown (Detective Harry McSween), Roseanna Christiansen (Teresa), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Eric Farlow (Christopher Ewing), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Audrey Landers (Afton Cooper), Bill Morey (Leo Wakefield), Charles Parks (Fred Robbins), Edmund Penney (doctor), Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Debbie Rennard (Sly), Sherril Lynn Rettino (Jackie Dugan), Alexis Smith (Lady Jessica Montfort), Don Starr (Jordan Lee), Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing), D.J. Zacker (Louis)

“Hush, Hush, Sweet Jessie” is available on DVD and at Amazon.com and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Love to love them

“Dallas” debuted 37 years ago today. Here’s why we still love the Ewings.

Drive us crazy

37. “Digger’s Daughter.” Bobby marries Pam, Lucy and Ray take a roll in the hay and Jock calls J.R. a jackass. Could this show have gotten off to a better start?

Big house on the prairie

36. Southfork. To a lot of us, the white house on Braddock Road is more revered than the one on Pennsylvania Avenue.

Is blood thicker than liquor?

35. Bourbon and branch. Forget oil. This is what really fueled the Ewing empire.

Can’t touch this

34. Every time Jock asks for “a touch” of bourbon. Spoiler: It was always more than a touch.

Stop or mom will shoot

33. “Ray, get me the shotgun out of the hall closet.” The quintessential Miss Ellie moment.

Long walk

32. Pam’s middle screen during the opening credits. It never changed! For almost a decade, she never stopped crossing the Southfork lawn.

Fishy

31. J.R.’s first visit to “Knots Landing.” J.R.: Hey, that is good. What do you call this? Valene: Tuna fish.

Smirky

30. Kristin Shepard. So much more than the answer to a trivia question.

About face

29. Sue Ellen’s 180s. No one does the slow, dramatic turn better.

Clean scream

28. The cleaning lady who found J.R. Her reaction alone made it worth waiting eight months to find out who shot him.

Moment of truth

27. “It was you, Kristin, who shot J.R.” The most famous line in “Dallas” history.

Daddy’s decree

26. “Real power is something you take.” Or maybe this is the show’s most famous line. Six words that encapsulate the Ewing creed.

He sizzles

25. Breakfast on the patio. Would you like some insults with your bacon?

Them pipes!

24. The musical stylings of Miss Afton Cooper. She can steal us away anytime she wants.

Bleeds it leads

23. Headlines like these. The editors of The Dallas Press: The only people more obsessed with the Ewings than we are.

Snake in the grass

22. “Hey, Ray. … You getting good mileage on Donna’s car?” So nice of him to be concerned, isn’t it?

Wind ’em up

21. Donna vs. Bonnie. “Dallas’s” best barroom brawl.

Will power

20. Daddy’s will. Pitting your hyper-competitive sons against each other in a yearlong battle for control of the family empire? Sounds like a plan!

Watch out, wallpaper

19. “I’m going to drink myself into oblivion.” And she damn near did.

Paging KITT

18. The synthesized seventh-season theme music. We half expect Knight Rider to come roaring into the credits.

Oh, that lighting!

17. Bradford May’s cinematography. The Ewings never looked as gorgeous as they did from 1983 to 1984.

J.R. Ewing here

16. The phone at the Oil Baron’s Club. Be careful with that thing or you’ll poke out Dora Mae’s eye!

Yes, sparklers

15. Lucy’s modeling career. There’s nothing about this picture I don’t love.

Hat attack

14. Katherine Wentworth. How can you blame a gal for going a little nuts over Bobby Ewing? Also: the hats!

Turban renewal

13. When Sue Ellen changed into this outfit to go to the movies. What, you mean you didn’t wear something similar when you saw “Porky’s II” in 1984?

The best loser

12. Cliff Barnes. As essential to the “Dallas” mythology as any Ewing. Ken Kercheval is brilliant.

Drip drop

11. “Marilee, you all right, honey? Did it go up your nose?” Best pool dunking ever.

Buzz kill

10. When Bobby flat lines, jolting Pam. Gets us every time.

Who says cowboys don’t cry?

9. … And then when Ray loses it. Few things move me more than this moment.

What a dream

8. The The dream season. Look, we love Bobby as much as anyone, but this is one of “Dallas’s” best years — especially where the leading ladies are concerned.

Mr. Clean

7. Bobby’s return. Was the dream explanation a cop-out? Sure, but who’s going to complain about seeing Patrick Duffy in the shower?

The long goodbye

6. Pam. Give the lady her due: Fans spent twice as long clamoring for her return as she spent on the show.

Word

5. “John Ross, this is Ewing Oil.” Chills.

A star is born

4. Brad Pitt’s hair. Also: “Randy”!

Woman of the hour

3. “J.R.’s Masterpiece.” Linda Gray’s tour de force. If you can watch this episode without bawling like a baby, you’re stronger than me.

Another star is born

2. “I am not my father!” Chills again!

Forever our hero

1. Larry Hagman. How we loved this man. What an actor! What a guy! We’ll never stop missing him, and we’ll always be grateful he shared his gift with the world.

Why do you love “Dallas”? Share your comments below and read more “Dal-Lists.” 

Middlin’ along

Dallas Decoder will soon begin critiquing the original show’s eighth season, which aired from 1984 to 1985. Here are 18 reasons to love it.

Side eye

18. Whenever Pam throws shade. She does it a lot this season.

Metaphor much?

17. When Bobby stops wearing shades. Those things are as big as Southfork!

In good hands with him

16. Dr. President David Palmer. Babe’s farmer shows up too.

Bitches be crazy

15. This nut finally gets caught. Even better: She gets away.

Genus: Hipsterous precursorous

14. Eddie’s wall of hats. Keep on trucking, dude.

Me, me, me

13. Mandy’s wall of Mandy. Keep it classy, honey.

Be nice, J.R.

12. Jamie’s makeover. “What’s next? Are we going to cap her teeth?”

Don’t poke out his eye

11. These lapels. All hail Sue Ellen, intergalactic space empress!

Never change, Ray

10. Ray’s workout gear. It’s also the outfit he wears to weddings, funerals, birthdays and bar mitzvahs.

Blonde ambition

9. This. I bet Jordan helped do her hair.

Groin show

8. Sue Ellen’s parting shot. Who kneed J.R.?

Far out

7. Road trip! Best part of this storyline: Philip Chan guest stars as Edward Chan.

Stay. Please.

6. Jenna goes to jail. She also gets out. (Can’t have everything.)

Eat your heart out, Harv

5. Scotty Demarest. “It is a sy-lun-suh.”

Swoon!

4. Cousin Jack. Best mole since Julie Grey’s.

Beats the sanitarium

3. “The Institute for Advanced Awareness.” Because if anyone needs their awareness advanced, it’s her.

Again with the metaphors

2. We don’t like tomato juice either. But we never turn down eggs and toast.

Death is but a dream

1. “Swan Song.” Who cares if the last few scenes are a dream? This is “Dallas’s” finest hour. (Or its finest hour-and-a-half, if you want to get technical about it.)

Why do you love “Dallas’s” eighth season? Share your comments below and read more “Dal-Lists.”

Take another shot

The final scene in “If at First You Don’t Succeed” is another example of how music helps tell the stories on “Dallas.” As Bobby sleeps in his hospital bed, Katherine enters the room, fills a syringe with poison and prepares to inject him. This is supposed to be the moment the audience realizes Katherine fired the gunshots that landed Bobby in the hospital in the first place, although I suspect most viewers who saw this episode in 1984 had long since figured that out. The revelation is gripping nonetheless, thanks mostly to composer Richard Lewis Warren, whose music conveys emotion in ways images alone cannot.

Consider how much work Warren’s score does here. The scene requires Morgan Brittany to enter the room, walk to the nightstand, set down her purse, retrieve the syringe, fill it with poison, squirt a little (an especially nice touch) and stare menacingly at Patrick Duffy. All of this takes a little less than a minute, which is longer than it sounds when you consider there’s no dialogue and we don’t see Katherine’s face until the last few seconds. Nevertheless, Warren’s visceral score — the whirring strings, the escalating keys — makes the scene positively Hitchcockian. The music holds our attention, every step of the way. Of course, don’t overlook Brittany, who has never looked more sinister. Also, during the freeze frame, notice how Philip Capice’s credit moves from its usual spot in the center of the screen to the lower third, as if Katherine has willed the show’s executive producer out of her way.

This climactic moment aside, the “Who Shot Bobby?” mystery turns out to be much less interesting than it seemed three decades ago. The storyline’s truest bright spot is the way it reignites Pam’s spark, giving Victoria Principal some of her best material since “Dallas’s” first two seasons. For example, when “If at First You Don’t Succeed” begins, Pam confronts J.R. outside the Ewing Oil building and accuses him of trying to frame Cliff for the shooting. It’s one of J.R. and Pam’s great clashes, especially when she vows to join Cliff’s side in the Barnes/Ewing feud. “I’m not going to rest until all our family scores are settled,” she says, leaving J.R. looking more than a little unnerved. Later, when Sue Ellen visits Pam at home and tries to defend her husband, Pam is aghast — and she doesn’t hesitate to show it. Sue Ellen becomes equally indignant and suggests it might be time for the Barneses and the Ewings to go their separate ways, prompting Pam to snap, “Then why don’t you start, Sue Ellen, by leaving here right now?”

Too bad Donna’s storyline doesn’t hold up as well. I like how the writers have Bobby name Donna his proxy at Ewing Oil, if only because it’s good to see a “Dallas” woman in a position of authority for a change. Unfortunately, Donna comes off as a bit of a nag when dealing with J.R. at the office. She does give him this episode’s most memorable line, though, when she wonders how Cliff’s arrest is affecting Pam. J.R.’s memorable response — “I don’t give a damn about Pam” — is one of those times you know exactly what he’s going to say before it rolls off his tongue. A nicer moment comes when Clayton visits the Krebbs’ home to say goodbye to Ray and Donna before leaving to join Miss Ellie on their honeymoon in Greece. Before Clayton climbs into his Rolls Royce to head to the airport, Donna tells him she loves him, and he says it back to her. I don’t know if this exchange was scripted or if Susan Howard and Howard Keel ad-libbed it, but I’m glad it’s here.

“If at First You Don’t Succeed” is also notable because it brings Deborah Shelton to “Dallas” as Mandy Winger, who arrives as Cliff’s love interest but ends up becoming J.R.’s longest-running mistress. This episode also marks the first appearance of Cliff’s painting of himself, an ideal accessory for Ken Kercheval’s self-centered character, along with the icky scene where J.R. seduces sweaty Sue Ellen in the Southfork exercise room. (Couldn’t these two find another spot in that big house to get it on?) Also, notice that when Katherine hears the radio bulletin that Cliff has been cleared in Bobby’s shooting, the newscaster (“John Shaw”) is the same one who announces Bobby’s shooting in this season’s first episode and his death during the season finale. Additionally, there are quite a few nods to “Dallas’s” past, including the scene where Sue Ellen tells Jenna about Dusty’s paralysis, a storyline from the fourth and fifth seasons, and Lucy’s visit to the Hot Biscuit, the roadside diner where Valene worked during the second season.

Scenes like these do more than reward the memories of longtime viewers. They also make “Dallas” seem like something more than a television show, as if the series has become its own little world. Aren’t you glad we get to inhabit it too?

Grade: B

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Get another room

‘IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED’

Season 8, Episode 3

Airdate: October 12, 1984

Audience: 24 million homes, ranking 7th in the weekly ratings

Writer: David Paulsen

Director: Leonard Katzman

Synopsis: Cliff is cleared in Bobby’s shooting when mystery woman Mandy Winger comes forward and reveals he spent the night with her. Bobby considers having risky surgery to restore his eyesight, upsetting Jenna. J.R. seduces Sue Ellen, who defends his actions to Clayton, Donna and Pam. Lucy is offered a waitressing job at a diner where Valene once worked. While Bobby sleeps, Katherine sneaks into his room and prepares to inject him with poison.

Cast: Norman Bennett (Al), Morgan Brittany (Katherine Wentworth), James L. Brown (Detective Harry McSween), Roseanna Christiansen (Teresa), Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Jenny Gago (Nurse), Gerald Gordon (Dr. Carter), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Shalane McCall (Charlie Wade), Bill Morey (Leo Wakefield), Joanna Miles (Martha Randolph), George O. Petrie (Harv Smithfield), Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Donna Reed (Miss Ellie Farlow), Debbie Rennard (Sly), Sherril Lynn Rettino (Jackie Dugan), Marina Rice (Angela), Mitchell Ryan (Captain Merwin Fogerty), Deborah Shelton (Mandy Winger), Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing)

“If at First You Don’t Succeed” is available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

The middle

“Barbecue Five” ranks among “Dallas’s” best barbecue episodes because it delivers almost everything we expect from a Ewing hoedown. There’s a fight, a dunking in the Southfork swimming pool and a dramatic revelation, along with crowds of people dancing, drinking and sweltering under the Texas sun. The only thing missing is a scene of two characters sneaking off to the barn for a romantic interlude, although we do get to see Jeremy Wendell wearing a cowboy hat. That alone is worth the price of admission, as far as I’m concerned.

This episode is probably best remembered for the clash between Jamie Ewing and Marilee Stone. “Dallas” doesn’t do a lot of catfights, so when these scenes occur, they almost always feel justified. (The best examples: Pam striking Katherine and Donna socking Bonnie, the barfly who slept with Ray.) In this instance, Jamie spots Marilee pawing J.R. and confronts her. Insults are exchanged, and then Marilee slaps Jamie, who retaliates by pushing Marilee into the pool. This is the first time I find myself cheering for Jenilee Harrison, whose character I’ve found hard to embrace, although I also admire how Fern Fitzgerald plays the obnoxious, overbearing Marilee to the hilt. Of course, both actresses end up being upstaged by Larry Hagman, who delivers one of the immortal “Dallas” lines when J.R. reaches into the pool to retrieve Marilee and asks, “You all right honey? Did it go up your nose?” Why do I get the feeling Hagman is ad-libbing here?

It’s also fun to see how smoothly each scene flows into the next. An example: Lucy and Eddie are dancing, and as they move out of camera range, J.R. and Sue Ellen enter the frame. We listen to their conversation for a few moments, and then J.R. nods to Bobby and Jenna, and the focus shifts to them. It’s all seamless, with one exception: a shot of Ray and Donna kissing becomes a scene in which Sue Ellen, J.R. and Jeremy talk shop while strolling through the crowd — except when Steve Kanaly and Susan Howard lock lips, you can see Hagman, Linda Gray and William Smithers in the distance, waiting for their cue to begin walking and talking. This is a minor oversight, of course, and I don’t mind it in the least because it makes me appreciate how artfully director Gwen Arner orchestrates all the other transitions.

Like other barbecue episodes, “Barbecue Five” was filmed in the summer, which means the actors are forced to sweat through uncomfortable looking western-flavored costumes. Most of the women wear long dresses and cowgirl boots, while Hagman and Howard Keel each don sport coats and scarves. Also, notice how the back of Fredric Lehne’s shirt is soaked with perspiration when Eddie spins Lucy on the dance floor. Another tradition honored here: the dramatic, episode-ending revelation. Past barbecues have concluded with the news that Jock’s helicopter crashed and that Miss Ellie and Clayton have become engaged, while “Barbecue Five” ends with Jamie’s announcement that she’s entitled to a share of Ewing Oil. This signals the birth of one of “Dallas’s” most tiresome tropes during its later years, when the focus of the business storylines shifts from making deals to a never-ending game of musical owners.

“Barbecue Five” also gives us the memorable scene where J.R. and Mandy continue their cat-and-mouse flirtation while dining in a private box at Texas Stadium. Both characters are spying on each other — J.R. wants dirt on Cliff, while Mandy wants intelligence that she can report back to him — but their ulterior motives are slowly being overtaken by their mutual attraction to each other. We also learn a lot about Mandy here. She tells J.R., “I’ve always known I was beautiful,” yet the line makes the character seem more confident than conceited. A lot of that has to do with Deborah Shelton, who is so stunning, there’s no point in having her character pretend otherwise.

Other “Barbecue Five” highlights include Jeremy’s annoyance when Cliff crashes his private lunch (Ken Kercheval’s scenes with Smithers are almost as golden as the Hagman/Kercheval pairings), as well as Naldo’s dinner with Jenna and Charlie. Any appearance by Naldo usually elicits an eye roll from me, but I’ll be darned if I don’t find him kind of charming as he tells Charlie about idolizing Tom Mix during his boyhood in Italy. Meanwhile, with her exotic white-streaked hair, character actress Ronnie Claire Edwards is perfectly cast as Lydia, the psychic Pam consults in her quest to find Mark. I also like how Lydia tells Pam that a “tall,” “athletic” and “handsome” man will be coming back into her life. Gee, I wonder who she’s describing? Something tells me it isn’t Mr. Graison.

I also love “Barbecue Five’s” opening, when Sue Ellen brings Jamie to Ewing Oil for her first day of work as the receptionist. It’s routine now, but everything about this scene — Kendall teaching Jamie how to use the switchboard, Sue Ellen promising to return in the afternoon to take Jamie to lunch — seemed so glamorous when I watched this episode as a kid. How I wished I could work alongside J.R. and Bobby at Ewing Oil too!

Truth be told, I still do.

Grade: A

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Walk to remember

‘BARBECUE FIVE’

Season 8, Episode 11

Airdate: December 7, 1984

Audience: 21 million homes, ranking 3rd in the weekly ratings

Writer: Arthur Bernard Lewis

Director: Gwen Arner

Synopsis: J.R. woos Mandy. Naldo charms Charlie. Pam visits a psychic, hoping for clues about Mark’s death. Miss Ellie is upset when Clayton decides to continue commuting to Houston. Jamie begins working as a receptionist at Ewing Oil, and after J.R. angers her at the Ewing Barbecue, she shows the family a document that claims her father owned a piece of the company.

Cast: Patrick Duffy (Bobby Ewing), Ronnie Claire Edwards (Lydia), Eric Farlow (Christopher Ewing), Fern Fitzgerald (Marilee Stone), Linda Gray (Sue Ellen Ewing), Larry Hagman (J.R. Ewing), Jenilee Harrison (Jamie Ewing), Susan Howard (Donna Krebbs), Barry Jenner (Dr. Jerry Kenderson), Steve Kanaly (Ray Krebbs), Omri Katz (John Ross Ewing), Howard Keel (Clayton Farlow), Ken Kercheval (Cliff Barnes), Fredric Lehne (Eddie Cronin), Shalane McCall (Charlie Wade), Daniel Pilon (Renaldo Marchetta), Priscilla Beaulieu Presley (Jenna Wade), Victoria Principal (Pam Ewing), Donna Reed (Miss Ellie Farlow), Marina Rice (Angela), Deborah Shelton (Mandy Winger), Danone Simpson (Kendall), William Smithers (Jeremy Wendell), Charlene Tilton (Lucy Ewing), Deborah Tranelli (Phyllis)

“Barbecue Five” is available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes. Watch the episode and share your comments below.

Hard knock life

In “Do You Take This Woman?,” an eighth-season “Dallas” episode, J.R. (Larry Hagman) is ranting in the Southfork living room, where Miss Ellie (Donna Reed), Clayton (Howard Keel), Bobby (Patrick Duffy), Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), Ray (Steve Kanaly) and Donna (Susan Howard) are gathered.

J.R.: I knew it. I knew that girl was trouble the moment she walked through the gate. But no, no, everybody said, “You’ve got to be nice to the little orphan because she’s family.” Well, I tell you, if that’s family, she’s not going to be in this house.

SUE ELLEN: J.R., calm down.

J.R.: Calm down? After what’s she done to us? Trotting out that phony piece of paper and having Clayton read it in front of everybody? I tell you, as far as I’m concerned, she is out of this house now. Tonight!

BOBBY: Now wait a minute.

ELLIE: This is my house, J.R. I will decide if she leaves, and when.

SUE ELLEN: Don’t you think we should at least talk to her about it first?

J.R.: Well, how? She’s got herself barricaded in her bedroom upstairs?

SUE ELLEN: She’ll talk to me. [Rises, exits]

J.R.: Well, good. Maybe you’ll find out what she’s trying to pull.

CLAYTON: How do you know she’s trying to pull anything?

RAY: How do you know that paper is phony?

J.R.: Well, how come we haven’t seen or heard about it before? Bobby, you went through Daddy’s papers with me. Did you see anything vaguely resembling that?

BOBBY: I didn’t see anything that mentioned Jason’s name. Mama, did Daddy ever talk to you about divvying up the company like that?

ELLIE: No, I admit he never did. And I never saw a document like that either.

J.R.: Clayton, you said that Sam Culver drew up that document. Donna, when you were going through Sam’s diaries and records and everything when you were writing those books, did you see anything?

DONNA: No, not that I remember. But then I wasn’t looking for anything like that, J.R. I mean, it could have been there. I just didn’t see it.

BOBBY: You still have the papers?

DONNA: I know where they are. It’ll take me some time to go through them.

J.R.: Well, we better do something — and damn quick. Can you imagine sharing Daddy’s company with Cliff Barnes?

Watch this scene in “Do You Take This Woman?,” available on DVD and at Amazon and iTunes, and share your comments below.